This can't be right

I observed myself walking through the lanes of this life

Had flowers in one hand and in the other had a knife

Because people are of two kinds

One has to do justice, cannot be the same to both the kinds

So here I saw myself meeting all these people

Obviously demonstrating two different behavior with the two different categories

Was handing over flowers to people I hated

And was hurting people I loved

Smiling at people I hated

And screaming at the people I love..

Final Destination

I am going mad. Heard about the Patalpani tragedy in the news and honestly did not pay any attention to it. News and newspapers are full of accident reports everyday. Later on facebook i saw some people posting the accident video on their walls. I was not keen to watch that either. Especially after witnessing the aftermaths of an accident on Hosur Road flyover just a week back, I was in no mood to see anything distressing like that. And then finally a colleague forwarded that footage on my office mail. Not only did he send the video, he came running and asked me to play it even before i realized i had a mail from him. And then i played it. It was about a 2 minutes video and it is one of the most disturbing thing that i have ever seen. First time played on mute. Then played again this time with volume. Played again to see what was the level of water when they all noticed it and why didn't they run when everyone else did. Then again to see where exactly were they positioned that they could not escape. Each time thinking and wondering if they hadn't done this, if they hadn't done that, and i went on watching the video again and again at least ten times. Before leaving the office that evening, i decided to watch it again as this video was not leaving my head. I wanted to flush it out of my mind so i called an old friend and chatted for a long time, which actually took me away from this story.

After coming back home, when i retired to bed, I found myself thinking about those people. If they would have just sat where they were and waited for help, if they would have ran faster, if they hadn't held to each other.. but finally these permutations and combinations were not going to help. It has already happened. And the result is out there. Unnerving. Were there chances that anyone survived? I hadn't followed the news as such. And then i started googling. To find more videos, longer ones. Some other people talking about what happened. Analysis on how water level rose so much in a matter of few seconds. How people could have rescued them had it not been so quick. Found that the boys survived. Felt a little better but reading the insensitive comments from people was driving me nuts. So many experts being cynical about their actions. Lets be serious, no one wants to die. Think about it, water rose past the danger level in absolutely no time. And all the people who remained stuck belonged to the same family. It didn't take a minute from when it started. Does it not make one believe destiny is all powerful. This came nowhere and finished people of one family alone. I kept my laptop aside and tried to sleep. But then the video kept playing in my head and made me restless. I went back into the internet to explore more. And then slowly I consumed all the information available, and if that wasn't enough, I looked up their facebook profiles also. Now i know their faces, age, from where they did their schooling, what others thought of them, et al.

Idle mind is a devil's workshop. I had no reason to go out and explore all about them, but i did. I shouldn't have done that. It has made me more restless now. I will spend my day wandering today and will not give myself a chance to sit at home alone until I am over this. 

Trying to stop confusing God

There are just too many locks to be unlocked today. The moment I start thinking about it, I start feeling a little smothered. By instinct I always try to avoid facing unpleasantness around me. If ignoring can resolve issues, I ignore. If avoiding can keep me happy I avoid. And every time mind wanders towards these little storages of discomfort, I finally call out to God. I tell God there is nothing you do not know. Why are you doing this to me? Please help me. Please pull me out of this situation. And then if it still doesn’t get better, I again go back to avoiding and ignoring. A small thought goes out towards God also again, "why aren’t you helping me when you are know it all?? Aren't you omnipotent? Please bring everything to order. Please give me some peace and happiness."

My cousin and I were sitting and chatting over a cup of tea on a Sunday morning when she started telling me about the book she is reading these days. Eat, Pray and Love. This name was not alien to me. I knew they have come out with a movie on this book that has Julia Roberts playing the protagonist. I also know while the book received rave reviews, the response to the movie was mild. So I asked her how was she liking the book. She was enjoying the book immensely she told. She went on to tell me some small anecdotes from the book and there was one in particular that caught my attention. Author says, in not these words though, that some of us have a tendency to pray to God without specifically stating what we want. We tend to believe that God knows everything and he will know what we want too. But the truth is until we have a clarity on what exactly we want, God also does not know. We have to be clear in our thoughts and clear in our ask. Google also knows everything, but we need to know what we want information on. We need to provide the search text.

I was sitting wondering this is exactly what I expect from God. No wonder nothing seems to be moving. So I am consciously bringing about this change in the way I pray. Since I do not pray every day so I am not expecting God to change things overnight. But I am certain that now I will get myself heard :)

Lovely 90s

Listening to Tere Bin Jeena Nahi.. the Bali Brahmbhatt song from the 90s that featured Bikram Saluja and Anupama Varma. Remember loving that song, because of the good looks, the romance in the song, and the song by itself sans all these factors also. I love the 90s. I can listen to 90s forever without getting bored. In my opinion that was the best decade of Indi-pop. The moment I think of Indi-pop, my mind races to lush green Ho Gayee Hai Mohabbat Tumse, the so romantic dooba dooba rehta hoon, the happy happy dhoom pichuk dhoom, Atul Agnihotri charming in his light denim shirt in Oova Oova, super looker Milind Soman coming out of the box in Made in India, Jas Arora and Malaika Arora (in her lavender lehenga) dancing to Gur Naal Ishq Mitha, Zulfi Syed in a yellow sweater in Shankar Mahadevan's tere khayaalon se..,  the fashion shows favorite Pari Hoon Main, Anamika singing and dancing in Kahin karta hoga, Stereo Nation crooning O Baby!.., Asha Bhonsle's Jaanam Samjha Karo, the dashing Salil Ankola and very pretty Aditi Govatrikar in Kabhi to nazar milao.. and this list is endless. Those were the days of indi-pop! 

And then there were some great music shows on MTV. MTV Select at 4 with Nikhil Chinappa was followed by MTV Most Wanted with Shenaz Treasurywalla. I tried my best not to miss these shows for anything. On the other channels also were some great countdown shows. Philips Top Ten, Ek se badh kar ek, BPL Oye! 

Playing the 90s collection on my iPod now, cherishing the memories, and screaming in my head - Once more!